|Posted by Matt Posner on October 19, 2011 at 9:20 PM|
Ms. Parker was found on the grounds of School of the Ages, having arrived there without invitation or explanation. Being cheerful, however, she bore up well under examination by a master magician from the school, and was swiftly released in order to continue book promotional activities..
My name is Dr. Solomon Archer. I am charged with the defense of School of the Ages, and in this capacity, young woman, I shall have to ask you certain questions regarding your unexpected arrival on our campus. You may first state your intentions. Do not be deceptive in any way. I am determined to have a complete understanding of your doings.
What’s with the swinging light bulb? Is it really necessary to tie my hands behind this chair?
I shall release the enchantment which causes you to believe that you are restrained. Here is a beverage.
Ah, better. Thanks for the Pepsi. The name’s Mysti Parker (yes, that’s a pen name), I’m from the lovely and hospitable state of Kentucky, and I live here still, in Oldham County, near Louisville.
Perhaps you are acquainted with the magician Arnold Lee Tackleberry, a specialist in agricultural magic, whom I met in Dusseldorf a few years ago. I believe he is headquartered near Louisville, if indeed he is still alive. No. You shake your head. You do not know the man. Just as well; he does not have a pleasant smell. Let us return to you. What do you write and why do you write it?
I write fantasy romance. Why? Maybe I’m a desperate housewife, drowning in the sea of three kids and laundry up to my eyeballs. Or maybe I have a secret desire to propel fire from my hands as Caliphany does in my book. That’d teach those kids to clean their rooms!
The students at School of the Ages are also not known for cleanliness in their residences. As for propelling fire from the hands, you would need to bind a fire elemental at nearly the level of a knight in order to obtain that ability. I have not met this Caliphany. A fictional character, I presume? Perhaps you can inform me further of the work in which this character appears.
If you can stop waving that club around…
I am a master magician. I do not require a club, young woman.
Yeah, okay, sorry. I’ll tell you about A Ranger’s Tale. It’s all about a disgruntled elven woman, who longs to leave her sheltered life and find adventure. She happens to find plenty of it, and plenty of trouble to boot. Here’s the proper description, for your readers:
Once upon a time an elven noblewoman longed to leave her gilded cage. A half-breed former pirate wanted nothing more than to escape his guilty past. Easier said than done...
In the fantasy world of Tallenmere, the high elf, Caliphany Aranea, nearly a century old, has never been allowed to travel farther than a few miles out of the capital city of Leogard. Her father, Sirius, leads the Mage Academy, and after losing his only son, he expects Caliphany to take his place one day. The trouble is, she doesn't want to study magic and doubts she'll ever be as good a wizard as her father. She dreams of leaving Leogard to explore the world and strike out on her own--lofty goals for Sirius' daughter, who also happens to be King Leopold's niece.
When two brutes at Leogard Harbor attempt to kidnap her while she dreams of faraway lands, half-elf ship captain and ranger, Galadin Trudeaux, comes to her rescue. From their first chance encounter, to the finale, where Caliphany must decide where her heart truly lies, she and Galadin will face more adventure, more love, more heartache, than they ever thought possible. Through it all, they discover the power of forgiveness and of a love that stands the test of time.
It seems to be a grimoire of great interest. Perhaps you would like to recommend an additional grimoire by someone else.
Only one? I recently read Die Laughing by Louis K. Lowy. It’s funny and poignant, full of aliens and 50’s TV nostalgia. You can see my review here: http://mystiparker.blogspot.com/2011/08/review-of-die-laughing-by-louis-k-lowy.html
Tell an interesting experience from your life as a writer.
Since I began doing public promotional activities, both online and in person, I never know how it’s going to go, especially being a new author. At my first public speaking engagement at our local rotary club, I had more people asking questions at the end of my presentation than they’d had in two years (so I was told). Then, last week, during a live internet radio interview, the only person who commented while I was on air was a guy who talked about doing naughty stuff with midgets. You just never know…
As regards persons of small stature, I have had certain experiences of interest also, including a woman some twenty-seven inches tall who was able, by use of magic, to locate missing pets. She was an active member of an animal rights organization, however, and was frequently arrested. Well, enough of that. Tell me of an interesting experience not related to your writing career.
I’m a mom of three. I’ve got more stories centered around body fluids than I care to relate. But here’s a cute one:
My oldest daughter Megan was going on three and it was the night of the children's musical at our church. She was dressed in her pretty Christmas dress and white tights, patent leather shoes, hair all up in a bow. Right before the children were to come out on stage, she had to go potty. And any mother of a three year old knows that when a three year old says potty, they have to GO!
All of this, of course, I learned later, because I was waiting proudly with my video camera on the front row. My husband was running the A/V and recording the whole thing for all the world to see. One way or another, we were going to get to see our baby shine.
Lights dimmed, music began, and out came the kids. Megan wasn't there. As a first-time mom, I held my breath, trying not to panic as I had over every little challenge from the moment she was born. To my great relief, she finally came running out to take her place with the other singing kids...with her dress all hiked up trying to pull up her tights.
She noticed the audience members starting to laugh and point, and instead of dropping her dress nonchalantly, she decided if she couldn't see them, well then obviously, they couldn't see her. So she turned around and gave us a full view of her bloomers as she finished the business at hand.
Now, I wanted to crawl under the seats as I felt all the eyes bouncing from my firstborn to her hapless mama. But, I just let the video roll and reminded myself that it was one more piece of blackmail to show her future boyfriends. She did, I'm proud to say, turn around properly and sang like an angel.
If you had a brush with death, describe it.
Well, now you got me talking, so you’ll have to live with the consequences!
A brush with death… in 2004, while six months pregnant with my second daughter, I had a car wreck when a van crossed into my lane and hit us almost head-on. The car spun and flipped twice, landing upright just inches from a light pole. My two-year old daughter was in her car seat. We were banged up, but we all survived. To this day, the car does NOT move unless everyone is wearing their seatbelts. We very well might have been dead if not for the restraints.
What are your views about love?
Without love, I wouldn’t be much of a romance writer. And life’s not really worth living without love, is it? Everyone loves something or someone. It’s what motivates us to get out of bed in the morning. If you’re talking about romantic love, I’ve been married for over 14 years to my high school sweetheart. What greater inspiration is there for romance than a committed marriage?
What are your views about work?
Without a good work ethic, unless you’re one of those people who are famous for no reason, you can’t accomplish much in life. Also, a lot of people discount the work of full-time moms. It’s the best and hardest job in the world
I am at this time beginning to be convinced that you do not pose a threat. Although we do not have any electricity at School of the Ages, this laptop computer will enable you to show me a video of interest on the internet.
Ok, this one cracks me up every time. Justin Timberlake and a couple of SNL guys join Beyonce for her “Single Ladies” video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpm4eNKdndE&feature=related
Very well. Before you are released, Ms. Parker, be so good as to reveal information regarding your work and your web presence.
Everyone stop what you’re doing and go buy A Ranger’s Tale. You can find it at: Melange Books, Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and many other online stores. Plus, you can find ME on Facebook (Mysti Parker), Twitter (@MystiParker), and my blog, Unwritten, where I interview authors and do whatever comes to mind (http://www.mystiparker.blogspot.com/ )
Thanks for the interview and for not using the torture devices!
Tsk tsk, Ms. Parker. I do not use torture. Rather, I destroy those who do. You have been safe at all times. Leave safely as a friend of School of the Ages.